06/25/2025
I recently visited a longtime friend from out of state who has gone through a difficult divorce. And before you jump to conclusions—he’s permitted me to share his story, which has been quite painful for all involved. After 21 years of marriage, his wife told him, “I don’t love you anymore, and I want a divorce.” She explained that she needed the freedom to pursue her own path, feeling that the structure of marriage was limiting her ability to find personal happiness.
Over lunch, my friend told me that he saw his wife the other day, and she looked anything but happy. Is she better off now that she has moved beyond the constraints of marriage? Are we more fulfilled, content, and happy when we step out of the conventional boxes of duty, commitment, and obligation?
Life experience dictates otherwise. And so does Scripture.
The Apostle Paul declares that when we are outside of Christ, we are enslaved to sin (Romans 6:6). When we die with Christ, that is, surrender our very being to His lordship and oversight of our lives, we are set free from sin. If we have died with Christ, we will also live with him. So, we are dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus (Romans 6:11).
Paul goes on to say that even as people who have died with Christ, we had better watch out that we do not let sin reign in our mortal bodies, to make us “obey” its passions (Romans 6:12). He celebrates that we were once slaves of sin and are now “set free from sin and have become slaves of righteousness” (Romans 6:18).
Is this just proverbial double-speak, an oxymoron that confuses and confounds? Are we set free from one master only to be subject to another? To use the analogy of marriage, are we set free from our loneliness by becoming slaves to the marital bond? Which master is better—loneliness or marriage?
One of the most challenging truths of the biblical witness is that true freedom does not mean we are free to be our own masters. Just ask Adam and Eve. Our freedom is from the slavery of sin and the corruption of our souls. This freedom is found in the bounds of Christ’s protective love and grace. Therefore, we only remain free within the gracious, committed confines of our relationship with him. When we step out of that covenant relationship, we don’t experience true freedom; we return to “a yoke of slavery” (Galatians 5:1).
Hmm. Sounds like marriage. My friend’s now ex-wife demanded the freedom to do whatever she wanted, and she saw marriage as restricting that freedom. It sounds like what she’s missing, however, is that it is good to have a shoreline rather than be lost at sea.
We all need a shoreline that keeps the encroaching waves in check. This is the restrictive boundary of grace that protects us from the advancement of evil and allows us to rest in the peace of true freedom.
Marriage is more than a shoreline, of course, as is true with the Christian faith. But the shoreline gives us true freedom, so that we are not lost at sea.
