02/28/2023
In the robust year of 1983, I was a high school student with a mullet, a Chevy Laguna, and a chip on my shoulder. I had a girlfriend, school friends, and church friends who kept my inner dread of loneliness at bay, but that inner struggle has remained to this day.
In the span of the three decades of my youth, a number of popular songs spoke to the fear of loneliness: One (Is the Loneliest Number) by Three Dog Night (1969), All By Myself (1975) by Eric Carmen, Owner of a Lonely Heart by Yes (1983), and Here I Go Again by Whitesnake (1982/1987). This last song includes the lyrics: “Here I go again on my own, going down the only road I've ever known, like a drifter, I was born to walk alone.” I often felt like I was born to walk alone.
One would think that with all this attention to loneliness, the 1960s-80s must have been the loneliest generation of all. More recent studies, however, indicate that people between the ages of 16 and 24, part of the group typically referred to as Generation Z, are the loneliest generation.
The survey, commissioned by the charity Eden Project Communities as part of its Big Lunch initiative, showed that 19% of 16–24-year-olds, “often” or “always” feel lonely. This is three times higher than the 65-74 age group, where the figure was 6%. Only 14% of 16–24-year-olds surveyed said they had never felt lonely.
We have greater access to “friends” on Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, and similar social media apps, and yet these on-line connections can rob us of off-line vitality in relationships. Studies suggest the amount of time spent using social media on a daily basis has a direct negative correlation with meaningful, in-person relationships. Thus, we have an entire generation discovering that more hours every day using social media, mainly as a substitute for real connection, leads to deeper feelings of loneliness and inadequacy.
This vacuum of loneliness is not stagnant. Emptiness always longs to be filled. Thirst always seeks to be quenched. And people always seek whatever remedies they can find to pour into their lonely souls. The question is, Will we be there to help fill the void? Others will, with shiny new apps and media choices and video games and virtual reality gadgets. Sugar tastes delicious, but it doesn’t satisfy for long.
The only lasting remedy to the pandemic of loneliness is knowing the One who longs to walk with us through the journey of life, and His name is Jesus. We abide in Him, and He abides in us (John 15:4). Even though others might leave us, He never will (Hebrews 13:5). He calls us His friends (John 15:15). The Lord turns His face towards us and gives us peace (Numbers 6:26).
Dallas Willard wrote about a tiny child who crept into his father’s bedroom to sleep. In the dark, he knew his father was present enough to take away his sense of loneliness. “Is your face turned toward me, Father?” he would ask. “Yes,” his father replied. “My face is turned towards you.” Only then could the child go to sleep (Ortberg, Soul Keeping, 24).
My prayer for you is that you will have sleepful nights knowing that you don’t have to feel lonely anymore, because your Father’s face is turned toward you. Amen.
