09/23/2025
Have you ever walked away from a conversation thinking, Wow, I talked way too much? Or maybe the opposite—Why didn’t I say more?
I know I have.
Not long ago, I found myself replaying a hard conversation in my head, wishing I’d said all the “brilliant” things that only came to me an hour later. Other times, I’ve wished I’d kept my mouth shut altogether. Words spoken too quickly can cut deep, while silence at the wrong time can leave someone’s wound untended.
Finding the balance is the challenge.
Decades ago, Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote about this in Life Together, and his words feel more relevant than ever. He reminds us that silence and speech are meant to serve each other: silence prepares us to listen, and listening prepares us to speak. “Right speech comes out of silence, and right silence comes out of speech” (p. 78).
That sounds simple, but in our culture of nonstop notifications, hot takes, and pressure to have an immediate opinion, silence is rare. Real stillness feels uncomfortable. Maybe it even feels unproductive. But Bonhoeffer says, “Real silence, real stillness…comes only as the sober consequences of spiritual stillness” (p. 79).
Could it be that what we fear most about silence is not the quiet itself—but what it might reveal about our own restless hearts?
In conversations, I catch myself rushing to fill space with words so I’ll be seen as valuable, competent, or “in the know.” But that’s not the right reason to speak. True listening leads to words that serve others, not ourselves. As the apostle Paul reminds us, our speech should be “gracious, seasoned with salt” (Colossians 4:6).
So before we add our voices to the noise, maybe we need to pause. Look up before looking left or right. Sit in the stillness long enough to listen for the Spirit. Because when our words flow from God’s presence, they become less about proving our worth and more about building up others.
The Teacher said it long ago:
“Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore let your words be few” (Ecclesiastes 5:2).
May we become people who know when to hold silence, when to speak—and in both, be led by the Spirit.
