05/20/2025
Back in 2012, my mentor asked me if I was interested in joining a covenant group for “soul care.” I politely declined saying, “I think that’s a good thing for other pastors, but I’m good. Thank you very much.”
In 2015, I had a stress-induced heart attack, and as I recovered, I called my mentor and said, “I’ve been rethinking this whole covenant-group thing, and I’d like to join one.” Sometimes it takes a heart attack to gain better self-awareness.
Socrates said we make fools of ourselves when we claim to know obscure facts but have such a hard time knowing ourselves. So, wise people practice self-examination because they understand that “the unexamined life is not worth living” (Ortberg, Steps, 89).
An honest self-assessment reveals our strengths and weaknesses, the best and worst versions of ourselves. Self-assessment counters self-deception. And “self-deception,” notes theologian Neal Plantinga, “has long been a growth industry” (Not the Way It’s Supposed to Be, 107).
The average person believes they are anything but average. Thomas Gilovich of Cornell University surveyed a million high school students and discovered that 70% thought they were above-average leaders. Only 2% thought they were below average. In terms of “ability to get along with others,” all the students believed they were above average (We Know What Isn’t So, 77).
We tend to have an inflated belief in our ability to know the truth compared to others. The average businessperson believes they’re above average in their ethics. The majority of drivers believe they are above-average drivers, including those hospitalized for an at-fault driving accident. The average person believes they'll live longer than the average mortality age, which is why Freud used to tell the story of a husband who said to his wife, “If one of us dies, I think I’ll go live in Paris” (Steps, 90).
We suffer from the fundamental attribution error which says we attribute our bad behavior to external circumstances (“I pulled out in front of that person, because he was driving too slowly”), and we attribute other people’s bad behavior to their character (“He pulled out in front of me, because he’s a jerk.”)
What we need is an honest self-assessment. We need to examine ourselves before God and acknowledge our need for grace, for transformation, for community. When my mentor approached me about joining a covenant group, I thought I didn’t need any help. Within three years, however, I was brought to my knees (literally) with my shortcomings physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It was through my rather forced self-examination that I was able to move beyond self-deception. I opened myself up to God’s transformative work in my life through a small band of pastors who were also very much in need of God’s refinement. Self-examination helps us appropriate and experience the grace needed to heal our sins and guilt. But if we avoid the truth about our life, we avoid applying God’s grace to it. As Jesus said, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32).
My prayer is that you will do the hard work of “heart work” and experience the grace of God to heal your soul.
