Valentine’s Day is almost here — complete with curated Instagram posts, last-minute online gift orders, and the subtle social pressure to prove your love with the perfect gift, date night, or gesture.
Without sounding like a Valentine’s Day Scrooge, the unspoken message can feel something like this:
Roses are red, violets are blue,
If I don’t post about us… do I still love you?
For the record, I will buy my wife flowers and candy— even though she told me not to because, as she said, “It’s just a waste of money.”
I sure love this woman!
Romantic movies and rom-coms often paint love as a feeling — something you fall into, swept along by emotion and chemistry. But rarely do they show the deeper reality: love and marriage are built not just on feelings, but on commitments we make and actions we choose.
C.S. Lewis explained it better than just about anyone:
“[Being in love] is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God… ‘Being in love’ first moved them to promise fidelity; this quieter love enables them to keep the promise… It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run; being in love was the explosion that started it.”
That’s a powerful picture. Feelings may start the engine, but they’re not what keep it running.
We live in a culture that says love is proven by the intensity of our feelings. Scripture and experience tell us love is proven by the consistency of our sacrifice.
Research backs this up. Studies show that couples who expect marriage to require effort are far more likely to build strong, lasting relationships than those who assume real love should always feel easy and effortless. In other words, when a couple says, “If we have to work at it, something must be wrong,” that mindset is often the very thing that leads to trouble.
Healthy relationships aren’t effortless. They’re intentional.
Jesus gave the most practical relationship instruction ever when He said, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13). And just in case we forget, your spouse is supposed to be your closest friend.
Real love looks like laying down your life in small ways every single day.
So yes — buy the flowers. Get the chocolate. Even pick up the teddy bear if you must. There’s nothing wrong with celebrating love in sweet, tangible ways.
But tomorrow, show your love by listening when you’re tired.
By forgiving when it’s hard.
By serving when it’s inconvenient.
By staying faithful when feelings fade.
Because being “in love” may start a marriage…
…but choosing to love is what keeps the engine running. ❤️
