I recently had a conversation centered on a remark made by our beloved pastor emeritus, John Samples. As the story goes, after John’s wife, Joyce, passed away, a friend asked him, “Don’t you miss having someone to do something with?”
John replied, “Oh, my, no. I don’t miss having someone to do something with. I miss having someone to do nothing with.”
As usual, John’s wisdom got me thinking. I am a typical Type A person who spends more time focusing on doing than being, on tasks rather than relationships, and on goals more than conversations. Whether that describes you or not, I think many of us share a common struggle: If we’re not busy, we’re bored. We need to have something to do. Stillness feels like a lack of progress. Silence becomes a void that needs to be filled.
Perhaps this helps explain why older men—especially those over 75—have some of the highest suicide rates of any demographic group (Sharon Jayson, “Why Older Men Are Killing Themselves at Alarming Rates,” AARP). Although suicide rates among older women have increased slightly over the years, the increase among men is startling. It appears that when some men retire, they lose their sense of purpose and meaningful contribution. Part of the dilemma, however, is that some of us are so driven to succeed that we do not know how to find meaning in stillness, silence, beauty, and observation.
We are told that value comes more from what we accomplish than from what we appreciate. The former is what we attempt to control; the latter is what God controls.
This takes me back to the wisdom of John Samples. I’m sure he thoroughly enjoyed doing things with his beloved wife, Joyce. But in his witty response to his friend, he captured something essential about the beauty of both a healthy marriage and a healthy life. At their core, a meaningful marriage and a purposeful life do not center on what you do in order to find fulfillment. They center on being in Christ and simply being together, whether you are doing anything or not.
Can you find fulfillment when you are doing nothing—when you are resting in stillness rather than being swept up in a storm of activity? Can you find fulfillment while taking a walk, watching a sunset, or quietly reading separate books together in the same room?
I remember a couple from a church I served years ago who always had to be doing something. Every night, they were eating out with friends or attending concerts or ballgames. They were constantly planning and talking about their next European vacation or upcoming cruise. Although there is nothing wrong with eating out with friends or going on vacation, it seemed to me that this couple’s fixation on doing things together masked an inability to simply be together.
According to Jesus, abiding is the precursor to bearing fruit: “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5).
My prayer for you this week is that you will learn to abide, be still, and find fulfillment in being present before being productive.
Amen.
